Chapter 11: Addressing and Disarming Anger

Anger is an unfortunate side effect of life; we all experience from both perspectives (being angry and being the object of anger) throughout our lives.  Anger is a defensive mechanism and when people direct their anger towards you it is important to keep in mind that the anger is not about you; rather, it is about a frustration or concern in their life.

Common Reasons for Anger:

• The client is angry about something that agency has (or has not) done
• The client is angry about something you have said or done.
• The client is fearful
• The client is exhausted
• The client feels overwhelmed
• The client is confused
• The client feels a need for attention

Knowing the reason that the client is angry provides valuable insight on how to disarm the client's anger.  It would make sense that disarming anger would be important, but why?  Disarming anger is crucial because:

• It eliminates an obstacle to true understanding
• It shows clients that you respect their message
• It enables yo to understand the problem
• It allows you to practice empathy
• It focuses work on solving the problem

As a human services worker, it is our job to make sure that we view the anger from the client as a sign that their needs are not being met and seize the opportunity to find a resolution.

Know the no-nos

• Avoid the number one mistake: do NOT take the anger personally.  Remember remember remember  - the client is taking their anger out on you but they are upset about something else in their life - some need that is not being met.
• Let go of the erroneous expectations that communication with your client will be perfect.  Never, ever assume that all communication with your client will be flawless.  They will get angry, they will not always follow directions and they will raise doubts, criticisms and you will encounter resistance.

The David Burns 4-Step Process to Disarming Anger

1. Be Appreciative - let the client know that you appreciate them bringing the concern to your attention.
2. Ask for more information.
3. Find something with which you can agree. 
4. Begin to focus on a solution - collaborate.

What to avoid when dealing with an angry client:

• Do not become defensive
• Do not become sarcastic or facetious
• Do not act superior
• Do not grill the client

According to others out there...

In perusing the internet on the topic, I came across some articles that just restated that same information herein - boring!  Then, a gem jumped out on page 5 of Google Scholar and I thought, yes! I must share this!  How to Disarm an Angry Person highlights the steps to disarming anger paralleled to the biblical instructions on dealing with anger.  Definitely a short but intriguing read.

Confucius say... Confusion!

I recognize that most times people are angry because of something that is going on in their lives and the nearest person becomes the scapegoat for the anger.  Isn't there times though that you really are the reason for the anger and that the client really is angry at you?  I know there are times that I, as a human, get angry at someone for how they are treating other people, not how they are treating me.  I would think that working under the presumption that the client is never mad at you is at times causing more harm; wouldn't the greater benefit come from accepting your part of the blame?